November 6, 2009

Anorexia – Jennifer’s True Story and the Treatment the Really Works

Anorexia just happened. I didn’t see it coming, but when I was made aware of its presence in me, I didn’t want it gone. I had to work hard at it, and I worked at keeping the lies in my head that bound my body up so tightly. Then again, if I didn’t feel so worthless, the lies wouldn’t have been there in the first place.

My predisposition to an ED put the symptoms in place as well as the initial thought patterns of failure, perfection, worthlessness etc, but I exacerbated those patterns to deepen my involvement with starvation.

I needed a regular ‘fix.’ I couldn’t let up for a second, or I’d spend days depressed, running at ridiculous hours and emptying the contents of my stomach with laxatives at 5.30 in the morning. It was punishing. Hunger pains told me that I was winning the battle even though they sometimes kept me awake most of the night. There was comfort in them somehow. There was control.

Anorexia took on an almost OCD capacity. I felt like if I ate certain foods, something bad would happen. I was also extremely paranoid. I’d think that people were watching me eat all the time, thinking or talking about how disgusting I was and how I didn’t deserve it behind my back. Soon, I wouldn’t even drink in public it became that severe.

Control was a major thing. I felt like I couldn’t control the things in my life throughout my time as a sufferer, but I could ‘control’ food. It felt like the two equated. Bad day, eat less. Ok day, don’t punish yourself as much.

I remember being huddled in the corner of my room. My self esteem having hit rock bottom and I felt like I couldn’t leave the room out of fear of being seen. I hated myself that much!

I also remember being so hungry and too embarrassed to ask for food from my parents. I physically couldn’t say the words ‘I am hungry’. I couldn’t admit defeat or I thought I’d fall apart at that moment.

When you have an eating disorder people tell you “one day you might be able to eat three meals a day and you might put on weight. You might appear normal to the outside World but inside you will always feel like an anorexic and every day will be a struggle”.  Like so many others, I accepted this unquestioningly, thinking every day I could work at changing my behaviour but I would never change my mindset- That once anorexia takes hold of you it stays with you for life.

But I have learned that this doesn’t have to be the case. That a unique and pioneering technique does exist which can remove anorexia’s destructive voice and its constant lies from your mind.

Find out about this technique

Call 0800 083 0143 for your free consultation.

Filed under Blog by